A Dream

It feels like its been a long time since I’ve had a dream with my dad in it. The last one I remember was being on a ride with him and seeing him in my rear view mirror. I woke up with an incredible sense of comfort and encouragement.

The dream last night was not encouraging but rather frightening.

It started with me being in a house that I could feel was mine. My wife and daughter were there but we were getting ready to leave. My family went to the car and I offered for my Dad to come with us.

He stayed and then I remember walking through the house to turn the lights out and lock the house up.

I walked towards the back of the house into a room that reminded me of the garage that I found him in after he committed suicide. There weren’t any garage doors in this room but it was warm, stuffy, and dark. I don’t remember what he looked like when I found him after he shot himself but I do know that he was on the floor just like he was on the concrete floor of this room when I found him in my dream.

In the dream, I asked if he was ok. I can’t remember if he said anything but I feel like he said it was hot. I told him it was hot and asked him again to come with us.

“No I’m gonna rest.” He sounded exacerbated. He sounded sick and sad.

There was another part to the dream, like a second act. It had similar characters, myself and my dad, but the scene had changed. I was still getting ready to go, my wife and daughter were still in the car, but he wasn’t on the floor in that room anymore.

I was about to leave though I didn’t have shoes on. I asked if he needed anything. He said to “come with a camera, now, there was a cockroach.” When I got there I couldn’t see it. He was between the cement wall and a sheet of dry wall so it was hard for me to see him or what he was seeing. This new room was connected to the other room but was more like a utility room.

He said “up there, its coming through the crack.” I looked up but what came out wasn’t a cockroach, it was a long “bug”. It had multiple sections to its body of varying shades of black and brown. It was scary and large. I remember it was an inch or more wide. Each section was an inch or more. The sections were longer than they were wide and shaped like the back end of an ant or spider.

I looked down and when looked back it was a different bug. A large spider looking thing 4 or 5 inches wide and long but it didn’t have legs. It fell to the floor very near me. I don’t recall being scared because I had the thought it would move slowly without legs and that’s when I woke up.

I’ve had quite a few dreams about my dad but I’ve never dreamed about him on the floor. After 16 years, I still don’t remember exactly what I saw when I walked into the garage. I don’t recall seeing blood, his body, or his face. I only remember seeing his feet. This dream is the most I have seen of his face and body since the last time I saw him alive.

I’m kind of afraid that my memory of that day is coming back to me.

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